Someone who lies, is controlling, makes up stories and cannot empathise with others seems like an ideal candidate for the role of a film hero. However, such people are among us, and they are close to you, whether in the work environment or even in family and social relationships. If you think that only very naive people can succumb to emotional manipulation, you are completely wrong. Learn to recognise and deal with manipulation.

Emotional manipulation – what is it?

Manipulation is a type of biased influence that consists of a set of actions and strategies to control someone or use them for some purpose. In this way, the manipulator reveals the victim’s insecurities in order to use them against them. Causes feelings of fear and guilt.

It is worth noting that there is a huge difference between social influence and emotional manipulation. The first type occurs in a healthy and natural way in society and represents a fundamental exchange through which everyone can learn to live with differences. Manipulation, on the other hand, is the opposite. The victim is used by the manipulator solely for his or her own benefit. This occurs when a person uses words, gestures or simulated feelings to deliberately influence another person to get what they want.

Emotional manipulation can be difficult to identify, but its effects in everyday life are quite noticeable. Everyone has been the object of manipulation at least once in their lives. In fact, this skill is learned and developed from childhood, when one wants to get the attention of one’s parents. But it is in adulthood that emotional manipulation becomes a weapon to achieve goals. This kind of persuasion can lead to critical situations with disastrous consequences.

Manipulator – features to look out for

A manipulative person is a person who usually displays several of the following characteristics

• he is egocentric and has narcissistic tendencies ;
• show little sympathy;
• has a hard time taking responsibility for his or her actions;
• offers to help, but still does something for himself;
• shows passive-aggressive behaviour;
• emotionally immature;
• hates to lose;
• shows the fear of being abandoned;
• makes a lot of promises, but fails to keep them;
• does not make mistakes;
• plays the victim;
• he lies a lot, and it’s easy for him to do so.

How does the manipulator behave?

A person characterised as an emotional manipulator is usually associated with certain actions, which he or she very often applies to his or her victim. This is a person who makes others feel bad because they do not fulfil his wishes, even if they do something unknowingly. The manipulator wants to control the other person’s attitudes, thoughts and appearance. Above all, he is someone who pushes boundaries. He does not recognise the fact that everyone has their own desires and way of thinking. Everything has to be the way he wants it to be, even if the situation does not directly affect his life.

A manipulator is characterised by certain behaviours.

Aggressiveness. Aggressiveness is a common trait of manipulators. When another person opposes their ideas, they cross all boundaries to impose their opinion on others and thus get what they want.

It is easy for them to find arguments to support their observations. However, they do not always use them correctly. They also focus on data taken out of context, which can be misinterpreted. In this way, they manage to have some emotional control over the other person.

Stubbornness. Because they are not very good at accepting other people’s opinions, manipulators are also stubborn people. Until everyone agrees with their assertion, they will often look for new arguments to refute what they disagree with.

Critical thinking. Manipulators also have accurate critical thinking, but it is not always used in a positive way. They must use strategies to convince others of their world view.

Innocence. In addition to emotional manipulation, manipulators often want to hide their actions. So they usually adopt behaviour that puts them in the role of a victim. In this way, they make you feel guilty and start acting the way he wants you to act.

How do you recognise a manipulator?

Not all manipulators are the same. Thus, depending on the manipulator’s approach, four types of emotional manipulation can be distinguished.

The first type is a sweet, friendly and well-liked person who uses his charm to gain the attention and trust of the victim and then attacks her. This masks the manipulator’s true intentions and aggressive behaviour. Moreover, this is a person who, when confronted with a confrontation, will pretend not to understand what it is all about and blame it all on him or her.

The second type is more aggressive because the perpetrator usually blackmails the other person to get what they want. In this type of emotional manipulation, the victim is forced to accept a certain condition imposed by the perpetrator in exchange for avoiding something much worse. The offers are not always friendly, so the victim feels threatened and agrees to what is being imposed.

In the third type, the victim lives in a constant state of fear or doubt. Having identified their weakness, the manipulator chooses the best strategy to achieve it so that the victim is carried away by the aggressor’s words, believing that they are acting in harmony with themselves.

In the last type of emotional manipulation, the victim is silenced, threatened and blackmailed. He can no longer speak freely and always acts very carefully, trying not to annoy the manipulator. The truth is that the aim of this type of manipulation is to make the person believe that they are always wrong.